Raffine's Constant Curse
by kirbymanx-huskynator
Summary: You know Primp's fashion darling, the beauty: Raffine? She might as well be cursed. *Double Spellchecked*


**Author's Notes: I wanted to step out of my comfort zone for a bit. This won't be my norm from now on.**

 **The version on Archive of Our Own has a different note to end on. I suggest you read the Ao3 version first.**

 **Spellchecked: Way overdue, TvTropes links to this story on Ao3. But not from the FanficRecs page? It's on the 'Memetic Loser' section on YMMV. *Shrugs* I laughed when I clicked the link and saw my own fic though, thank you to whoever edited that.**

 **Raffine's Constant Curse**

 _And Raffine missed, but her opponent does not capitalize upon it! This has to be one of the most exciting finals the Y.A.G.M.A.T._ [Youth Anything-Goes Martial Arts Tournament] _has ever seen! Raffine's definitely the underdog of this battle but gosh does she have a solid chance for a comeback. OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! SHE'S SWITCHING TO A JUDO STANCE! SHE'S DONE PLAYING OFFENCE, WHO KNOWS WHO COULD WIN NOW, FOLKS!? WHO KNOWS!?_

Hello, I am Raffina. The most beautiful magic school student in Primp Town. So beautiful it's a curse. I can't cast magic on my own. I… Sadly need assistance… My pouch that's always to the side of my hip is what allows me to cast my spells… Even then, it's converted from my martial arts energy. At which I excel at. Ohohoho~ Not to brag.

Not that magic beyond that which allows someone to live or fight is legal or anything in this tournament.

This boy is was annoying. He's damn good at counterattacks. And not nearly as tired as me because of it. As unglamorous as it may be I am going for a ring out. It's what I'm banking on. I've come farther than ever before.

Ugh, he's pressuring me to the edge of the ring. I've got a few options, what basically amounts to a sissy slap fight until I have a firm throwing grasp on him. Slip underneath him and attack him from behind. Or jump over him and attack him from behind.

I jumped over him.

"SHORYUKEN!"

" _ **HM!"**_

Long story short I was humiliated and he won. He hit my… _weak point._

Ever since a Puyo Puyo Tournament the world just made a conscious effort to make life a pain in m...

Ugh. I don't know what it is. But no matter what I do, Puyo Puyo, Martial Arts, Music, Journalism, School, whatever. I can't just go by one day with my posterior getting pounded at least once!

And it's not what you think it is. It gets smacked so hard I'm suspended in the air for a second.

And while I get righteously furious at the perpetrators in a way, any other lady like me shouldn't be caught seeing in. That's not even the worst part of it.

The worst part of it. Even when I act it isn't, one out of ten times it's intentional.

The do-gooders of my classmates hurt me by accident. And so do the ones I mutually despise. Even my teacher does it!

My maid.  
My butlers.  
My employees.  
My rivals.  
Random plebs on the street.  
My luck.  
My father for goodness' sake. I get my literal butt kicked no matter what I do!

I pride myself on my looks and on my talents. You can see why this unflattering display day in and day out is a problem for me. It feels like they're just making fun of me at this point…

Well. Joke's on them! Standing around is healthier anyway. I crossed my arms and frowned. I don't wanna sit without suffering, I don't wanna lie comfortably in bed.

Why am I trying to fool myself? I'm rich, what did I do to deserve this?!

I might need surgery if this keeps up.

I don't fear much in this world. Magicians, martial artists, magic knights, exams, contests, calories, my classmates, death, clowns.

But surgery…

 **Ah!**

…

I'm lucky I was born beautiful… My hidden freckles aside.

…

A-Anyway. Next day I have to go back to school. The humiliation never ends. That guy really did a four-digit number on me. Sitting down is gonna hurt like the dickens.

And it did. I can't wait until I'm numb…

I did my best to not show it. I'm rather successful.

Oh. Nooo… I hear something creaking. I have all but a split second.

My chair collapsed in on itself and I was still on it. "OW! MY ***! ****-****-****-****-**" Etc.

"Raffine!" One of the nicest of my classmates immediately came to help. "Are you okay?"

"What the **** do you think, Amitie!" I lashed out. "I fell on my ******* ***!"

"I-I is that bad?" She replied like the d****** she is.

"IT WOULDN'T HAVE TO ******* BE IF YOU GUYS WOULD STOP HARASSING MY ***!"

"Huh."  
"What?"  
"Beg your pardon?"  
"Ufufufu~"  
"This is slander!"  
"My, why so vulgar all of the sudden?"

They don't notice? How? My teacher said the last one. This is just insulting.

"Don't you ******* dare play dumb with me. All of you are guilty of beating my ***, *******s." Crossed my arms. I'm not proud of doing it, but my anger vented out my complaints. I'm more hot-blooded than most ladies.

"…I have to wear _these_ childish bloomers so nobody can see how blue my *** cheeks are!"  
"Uuuuuuhhhmmm."

…

I did something dumb, didn't I? Sheepishly let go of the rim of my skirt. I felt more embarrassed than angry right now.

…

"Raffine." My teacher, Professor Accord, tapped on the chalkboard to get my attention. "You could've just told me. I didn't realize it was that severe." She said patiently. "I know a solution if you're willing to listen."

"I-Is it surgery?"

The next day I traveled to the ocean shore with the moon half-full. I had a pebble and a permanent marker on me. I wrote _Accord Summons Ye_ on it. I threw it as hard as can. It skipped several times.

That's all Ms. Accord gave me for context.

…

"Hello?… Of course." My teacher can be really mischievous sometimes. It has to be one of her pranks… I was promised help!

And suddenly I was blinded. In a burst of light, an otherworldly [read: photorealistic] dolphin in a nightgown appeared floating in front of me.

It had butterfly wings and a wand in its flipper. It sounded otherworldly as well. Like it was barely not here somehow.

~I am the _Fairy of High Butt Hurt Tolerance_ ~

"What?"

~No need to explain~

~Ms. Accord has told me you get easily butthurt~

~I am here to help you~

~Normally you'd have to be pure of heart, but I owe her so…~

I was so mesmerized(?) I barely noticed it lifted its wand.

~By the noble purity of the dolphin:~

 _ **~Alakazoom!~**_

~Your butt bruises less easily now~

~Is fully healed~

~And heals faster~

~It will do nothing about your feelings, however~

~For that, you have to go to the _Gnome of Group Therapy_ ~

And then it disappeared on me.

…

…

…

…

…

"The ****?"

The important thing was that I felt the effects immediately. I can sit comfortably again now that all my weak points are minimized.

And I went on pretending as if nothing happened. Before _AND_ afterwards.


End file.
